Leitmotif

*Music plays with a quiet but firm start, slowly rising in tempo and volume and ending in three sharp cords*

Alright?

Wouldn’t life be excellent if it came with a soundtrack? I know you can already get a nice playlist going of your favourite songs. Joggers, runners and those of a general ‘Keep Fit’ nature will probably have an iPod crammed with suitable tracks personally selected to help them feel the burn, break through the wall and sweat profusely (possibly something by ‘Wet Wet Wet’). Similarly drivers will have their own favourite power ballads in the car to help get their motors running. Until they have kids that is when all they’ll hear for years is ‘The Wheels on the Bus’ followed by pop-pulp and boy bands.

But what I’d really like is the instrumental interludes you get in movies. The sort of tracks which don’t make it to the chart busting soundtrack. They only include several re-released classics and a least one cover by a new but forgettable vocalist - all of which may only appear for a blip of a second within the film in question. No, I want the mood setting music that happens under the main action. Not least because it would give you fair warning of what was about to happen. If it’s fast and crashy then someone’s about to start chasing you. Soft and romantic – pop in a breath mint as the big smooch is coming up. Quite and menacing - don’t open that closet door! Really, don’t! Just get a big gun ready or better still leave the house immediately and find a policeman.

Also as someone who has a terrible memory for names and faces it would be a big help if people had their own signature tunes which played as they approached you. That way you’d remember if they were someone you should either politely smile at, hug or punch in the face! (I look such a fool when I mix those up!) Better still your own tune will immediately announce your presence as you enter the room or signify your power and intent as you leave.

And so farewell…  

*Laurel and Hardy tune as we fade to black*

(Shit)

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